


i don't wanna let you go

by boreing



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: M/M, basically bill's a dumbass and stan worries about him, introspective, kinda a drabble, sewer scenes from stan's perspective, title is from a song off stan's playlist and only makes a lil sense but i love it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 15:09:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12171351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boreing/pseuds/boreing
Summary: It has Bill, and Stan is angry, but more importantly Stan is paralyzed.(or the well/sewer scene from Stan's point of view)





	i don't wanna let you go

**Author's Note:**

> my friend and i were exchanging stenbrough headcanons and then she encouraged me to write the scene where pennywise has bill from stan's pov, and instead of a hc i wrote this hoe and i didnt want to post it on tumblr so here yall go. im sorry for it being more of a stream of conscious thing, it was SUPPOSED to be a headcanon but u know...u know

The thing is: Stan's not an angry person. He never has been, really. His default state is mildly annoyed, sure, but that's mostly a side effect of being friends with Richie Tozier. But this summer's been really damn trying, to say the least. So, he's been a little angrier, and it's been awful. He snapped at Bill, in the street in front of Eddie's house and that stays with him, because if there's one thing he never wants to do it's yell at Bill. But, to be fair, they just got attacked by a fucking clown, a fucking clown that Bill then tried to chase down. And there's gotta be a last straw and that was it, because they could've died, Bill definitely could've died. And maybe he's just being a coward, but Stan sure as hell doesn't want to see Bill die.

But, then, they're back in the sewers because they have to be, because it's Beverly and even though they haven't been friends for long Stan knows she'd march through the sewers for any one of them. Then the woman from the painting _happens_. She was so disgusting, so unsymmetrical and distorted. And every time he looked at her it brought him to back to stuffy afternoons spent in his dad's office, where he'd be able to feel his dad's disappointment in the air around them if it wasn't being voiced. When she attacks him, all he can think about his friends. He thinks they left, maybe they already saved Bev and just figured he was a lost cause, and that somehow hurts more than the painting trying to eat his face.

When they save him, he feels their bodies surrounding them, hushed comforting tones trying to reassure him. But, all he can think about is how he was totally and completely alone when he needed his friends most. And, Bill's not there, because fucking Bill. He would never listen to anybody, not even himself apparently because he immediately separates from the group.

Then the thing with Georgie _happens_ and it's like Stan goes back in time. Back to when Georgie was alive and Bill treated him like he'd created the whole universe just by being born. It sends him back to the day after the funeral, when Stan, Richie, and Eddie all stayed over at Bill's house because, even though he didn't say it, they knew he needed them. Bill stayed on his bed, but the other boys slept on the floor, lying closer than they usually did because the people that go missing are the ones in the grade above you, or your mom's friend's niece, not your best friend's little brother. Stan had been right next to the bed, Eddie in the middle, Richie on the other side. They usually stayed up late, mostly because Richie, but that night they all went to sleep, not wanting to be awake and living in the uncomfortable atmosphere. Not Stan, though, because he couldn't. And, neither could Bill, because Stan could hear his sniffles, heard them turn into something more, heard Bill's attempt at muffling them into his pillow as turned on his side. The position change left Bill's arm extended, hand out, as he kept his face down in the pillow. Stan remembers, in that moment, not thinking. He just reached up, uncomfortably, and grabbed Bill's hand. He flinches at first, just a bit, then relaxes, and squeezes it back. Stan kept his hand there, even though it started to ache, until he heard Bill's sobs drift off into soft snores. Then, he let his grip go, because he thinks if Richie saw that it'd be a fate worse than death.

When Bill shoots Georgie Stan flinches, and it all becomes a blur after that. It's when that fucking clown is holding Bill in an obviously painful headlock that world shifts halfway back into focus. Because he can see what's happening so clearly, like 20/20 vision, but he can't hear almost any of it. But, he can hear Bill say, so sad and desperate, "go."

The thing is: Stan's in the boy scouts. He's levelheaded, resourceful, thinks well on his feet.

The thing is: Stan wants to save Bill so badly. He wants to beat the shit out of that clown, make sure Bill's okay, and get them all out of that goddamn sewer.

The thing is: he can't. He can't breathe, let alone move, let alone fight a demon clown. This thing shows up as your worst fear, and right now Stan realizes this, right here, is his worst fear.

And then: Richie hits the clown with a baseball bat. The world starts moving again.

Stan grabs onto It's arms as they pile onto It. He hits It with a pipe when It transforms into the woman from the painting, and then he keeps hitting It. He's not leaving these sewers until It's dead and can't hurt them anymore.

The thing is: Stan's not an angry person, except when he is, and when he is he beats up clowns that try to kill Bill Denbrough.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://finn-wolfhards.tumblr.com)


End file.
